The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
