people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
