just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
