rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
