She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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