You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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