At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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