It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
