dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
