Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
