Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
