We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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