O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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