yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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