Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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