stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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