omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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