Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
