She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
