There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
