dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just high enough for therapy.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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