Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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