There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
