I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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