btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
