Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
