either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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