she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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