i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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