Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize