I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
