I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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