I feel great
I just peed on a car
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm way too hungover for life right now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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