I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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