i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
do nipples grow back?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
