the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
