now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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