Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize