i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
