Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize