Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
