Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
