piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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