Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
