Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Rumble strips road head = magical
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
