Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
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