Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
