haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
