i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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