An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
