Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
