He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
