you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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