She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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