I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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