That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
