How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize