Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
worst night to have a conscience
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
