I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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