I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
