he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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