So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
