My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
