i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
