Cold hands, warm shart.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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