NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
