we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
