If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize