Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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