We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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