And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
