I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
